i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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