so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
