Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
