Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
