Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
