Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
