Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
