Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
