I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she told me i tasted like america
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's like heaven, but drunker
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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