: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
