hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
