Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
