I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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