He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
