one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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