the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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