I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
