She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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