we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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