whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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