I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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