Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
