shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Help. Why am I so naked?
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