I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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