i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Randomize
