we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
