thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
