I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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