she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
