i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
