WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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