Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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