I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you never un-have a 4some
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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