even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
