I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
