don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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