i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
