i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
