i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
