What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
