I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Michael Bay diarrhea
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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