I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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