remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
