Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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