Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
