Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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