a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
