so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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