I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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