I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
