we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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