He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
