I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
