Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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