he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
