Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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