I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
