Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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