my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
