Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
