And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
