I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
