he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
