just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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