dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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