3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
