I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
pray to the hookup gods
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
