my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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