apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's never too late to be topless.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
