I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize