She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
